Emotionally abusive relationships are debilitating. This is what many people don’t understand when they ask, “Why don’t they just leave?” It’s not so simple, but there are some ways out. You can make yourself healthy enough to leave, and focus on true healing once you’re free and safe.
-To get away from an abuser, you will need to detach yourself emotionally. This seems like it’s hard to do, but you can do it.
-Understand the game. The abuser distorts reality and gaslights you. They purposely put you through drama in a variety of ways to control you and to make sure you won’t leave them. Abusers are incredibly insecure, and they’ll try to hurt you.
-Stop blaming yourself. This means that you stop taking responsibility for the abuser’s feelings, thoughts and actions. You didn’t cause the fights, being hit or anything else. Better find some hot companions for yourself.
-Focus on yourself. You need to attend to the things you need to do. You need to know how much money you need, what documents you need to get in your possession before you leave and other matters to attend to.
-Abusers are good at stripping your sense of self because they train you to be wrapped up into them. By attending to yourself in being kind to yourself and taking care of your needs, you help yourself to undo the effects of abuse.
-At some point or another, you’ll come to a point where you will need to forgive your abuser. However, this may be incredibly hard to impossible at the moment. You might want to start small.
-The biggest obstacle might be forgiving yourself. Victims of abuse seem to come to a point where they feel angry at themselves for allowing the abuse to happen, for not being smarter and a host of other reasons. You couldn’t have prevented this. Nobody goes into a relationship with the intention of being harmed.
-Understand that you will grow from this while your abuser may not. Most abusers don’t want to face what they’ve done, so they don’t tend to get help. Take comfort in this fact because you will thrive in life while your abuser will be up to their old tricks, and they won’t go anywhere in life.
-Don’t engage with your abuser. When you start to grow, you might be tempted to tell them the truth about their behavior. They tend to get violent when they are confronted with the truth or lose control. Let what they say go in one ear and out the other. Your goal is to make it out.
-Don’t tell them you’re leaving. Make your plans privately.
-Get all of your documents, like birth certificates, deeds or anything else that you need before you go.
-Don’t keep a history of resources or anything else that mentions leaving your abuser on your computer.
-Stash money in a safe place.
-Make a plan ahead of time. Have support, and keep a backup plan to get away safely.
According to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, approximately two to four million are abused in the US every year. This number could well be higher because of lack of reporting. More people deal with abuse than what’s reported. You are not alone. You can get out. Be safe.